Take Me Home

There is nature peaking through the cracks
sprouting out of the cracks in the sidewalks
shining through the gaps in the skyscrapers
and in the city of steal and glass
I am reminded of home
taken back to a place where
open space takes my breath away
and fills my soul with a contentment
I have known nowhere else

Home: the best four letter word I know
Blue skies: the background of my dreams
Flora and Fauna: a reminder of the beauty in the details
The horizon: my future laid out before me, undiscovered

New Leaf

At the moment of our meeting
My soul unlocked for you
I was weary of love
There are scars all over me
Heart and soul
Left from lovers who
Have come and gone
With little regard for me
Against my better judgement
I opened my ribs
And let you settle in
The space made just for you
It did not hurt like all the others
A perfect puzzle piece
That my soul had been missing
The only way I can let you go now
Is if you break me open
And spill my insides
The contents of my heart
Lying scattered and broken

Please don't break me
Despite my solid exterior
I am as fragile as a new leaf

...Jesus is kinda smelly if you really imagine Him accurately...

When I read these words my soul smiled with the beauty and honesty of them. What are your thoughts?

"A certain sense of satisfaction froths up inside of me. Why are people so willing to cast their fishing nets on the same side of the boat, over and over again, the side where a man points and days, "Hey, fish over here!" Meanwhile, Jesus's fish bubble in writhing profusion on the other side, but, well, Jesus is kinda smelly if you really imagine Him accurately, and He's poor, a failure in our definition of the word, and He's just not enough anymore. It doesn't make sense to really follow Him in this day and age. We couldn't feed our children and give them the latest sneakers so they wouldn't be made fun of at school.We'd let people walk all over us if all we did was turn the other cheek. So instead of taking Him seriously we fight for the Ten Commandments even if we can't recite them ourselves. They're our good luck charm even though we are adulterers, liars, and have thick calluses on our hearts; our way to fool God, to show Him we haven't become the people of Malachi or Amos."

         -Lisa Samson (excerpt from Embrace Me)

Follow the Leader

Sometimes I like to imagine that I am playing follow the leader with God. I imagine that I am young again, willing to follow and imitate whatever He is doing.

I remember the laughter and frustrations that came along with following the leader. I never knew what was going to happen next and if I would look foolish or not. I remember how equally awkward being the leader was for me. I was a painfully shy kid, that didn't want to be anywhere near the center of attention. I always felt that I was going to do something that would make me look stupid. I also hit an early grown spurt that made me at least 3 inches taller and more clumsy than the rest of the kids. I tried in vain to not stand out, I just wanted to blend in.

I still have frustrations when it comes to following God now. I like to know what is going to happen in my future, but as much as I would love that I know that only God knows what is happening for sure in the future, in my future. Following the leader is still full of frustration and laughter, but I feel less awkward because I know that I won't ever have to be the leader and looking silly is no problem when God is looking after me.

If I could...I would

if I could simply hold your smile
like a jewel between my ribs
snuggled up next to my heart I would

if I could hold the memory
of the grasp of your hand
deep in my soul I would

if I could memorize the sound of your voice
and let it vibrate through my head
like the bass line in my favorite song I would

if I could keep the feel of your arms
wrapped around me like a cocoon
branded on my heart I would

if I could keep the vision of you
in that first moment of meeting
at the front of my mind I would

if I could only meet you now
I wouldn't have to say if
I simply would

Dark and Light

the darkness settles
upon my shoulders
like a familiar winter coat
hugging me like a memory
worn just right from
being pulled out
and on too often
but there is very little warmth
left in this embrace
there is a cold settling
deep in my bones
I want to fight it
but I have no strength
left of my own
I need your hands
to lift me, hold me close
let the warm brightness
of your love radiate through me

this is when you
step up 
step in 
grab my face 
and kiss me

Clean Slate

The rain trickled down my cheek
Following the tracks that many tears have traveled
The raindrops wash away the remnants
Leaving behind a clean slate for another day
When the rain is replaced my emotions
That can no longer be contained

Lets Get This Started

Sometimes I simply cry for the world around me
I cry happy tears and sad tears alike
My heart longs for the world to see its potential
And to believe that it can be better
I see the strides that some in the world are taking
To make things just a little better
And I begin to wonder
What if we all started to do the same?

Who knows.

The last first semester of my college career at my current school is almost over. I have 3 finals to complete before I start my break. I keep imagining and dreaming about what I am going to be doing this time next year. I hope that I have a job. I hope that I will be working in non-profit where my heart is. But the thing is, no matter what I hope, imagine, or dream I don't know what I am going to be doing. And that scares me. I like to know what is happening at least 3 months before hand, especially when it is something like a full time job, the beginnings of a career. I pray that no matter what I am doing by this time next year, that I am doing what God wants me to do. That is all I can hope for and all I can plan for, because I don't know where my life will take me in the next year let alone the next month. Maybe I will write a post around this time next year from somewhere new, with the beginnings of my career stretching out before. Until then I will pray for God's leading.

Beyond Redemption?

One of my favorite quotes is, "No one is beyond the reach of God's grace." God's grace reaches beyond borders, races, prison walls and across streets. There is nowhere that His grace cannot reach. When we assume that we can decide the fate of another's life or we assume they are beyond redemption we are denying that His grace and love exist.

Pew Faith or Street Faith?

Someone that I am friends with, Brandt Russo, on Facebook posted this today: "I had a guy at the sports bar this morning ask me a very interesting, honest question. "If Jesus is love and went out of His way to love others, why aren't more of you here instead of expecting for us to go to you." I just smiled and patted his shoulder. Thoughts?"

I wonder how have we arrived at this point? Where we won't step foot into places that we have deemed sinful. The places where the people who are in need of the love that God has are. Honestly, I think it is because most Christians are more comfortable staying in the church building than going out and embodying the Church, showing the world what Christ is truly like. This is so far from the way that Christ lived his life when He walked the earth.


I fear what many forget is that Jesus did not live a comfortable life. He lived and walked among the people that society deemed worthless and impure. He broke the rules that the preachers/teachers of the day had set in place. He taught a new way of life, a way that leads us to eternity. How can we not want to go out and share that with others? I am not saying that we should just go out and talk at people, we need to listen. Jesus talked with people and he listened. He healed by doing these things. 


Many Christians seem to have the teach them in the pew evangelism thing going on believing that people will feel the need to come to church and find God. But what Christ calls us to do is go into the world and make disciples of all nations. He never said to stay indoors and let them come to you, He said go into the world. 


Any thoughts? 

Moon, Stars, Flowers...

I wish I could hold the moon like a balloon

Carry the man in the moon with me


I wish I could take in the stars like a cup of tea

So their brilliance would warm my insides


I wish I could paint my fingernails with flowers
so I could always have nature at my fingertips


I wish...

Entering through walls

I give up
I have had it

I keep telling myself that
when the time is right
he will enter
the man of my dreams

but then I try to make
something out of nothing
make him enter through the wall

someone can't enter where
there is no entrance

I can't force a door to form in my life
I can't make love happen
I have to simply enjoy the ride
until it finds me

Aggravated and Waiting

This is a note for those who might read this post: This is me venting, getting stuff off my chest. So if you want to read it that is okay. If you want to skip out on my pity party that's okay too.

I have been looking for a car for over a year and with little luck. My major problem is I don't have that much money and I'm not very comfortable getting a loan. I thought I had found the perfect car. It was the size that I wanted, around a price I could afford, and it didn't hurt that it was a Subaru. Then I had my uncle do a pre-purchase inspection. There went that option. It was going to cost more to fix the car than it was going to cost to buy it. This is when I started having daily ranting sessions with God. My one question is why?

I have also been looking for someway to make money for the summer. Seeing as there are a lot of things I need for my apartment this next school year it would be great if I could find one. Besides, my family can't help me buy everything that I need. Thankfully I have found quite a bit of free stuff for my kitchen. I have been scouring the local papers for job listings and have found nothing. Most of the jobs advertised require more than a years experience or a degree in that field. I stopped my internship search at the beginning of the summer because there aren't many options in this corner of Colorado, and people never called me back, no matter how often I called them.

To say the least I have been discouraged and aggravated for most of the summer. My family has always had a hard time. Money isn't something we have lying around to spend on anything we please. And I already have more than a few thousand dollars worth of school loans to worry about. So I just keep praying that something will show up. If someone would give me their car that would be great. If I could find someway to make money that would be even better.

I also miss my friends dearly. I will see some of them this summer for a day or two and some of them I will see in the fall. But I miss them all nonetheless.

I have to keep reminding myself that God knows what my future holds and no matter how impatient I get or no matter how aggravated I feel it will all work out for the best.

Lord, help me to trust you and believe you will provide my needs. I love you Jesus.

Two or three

During Peace Week at Union College this last semester we had a discussion time. There was a bible verse shared that I am pretty sure most Christians know by heart. Matthew 18:20. But I think the crucial verse that should be read along with verse 20 is verse 19: "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

When the verses were being read, a thought popped into my mind, This isn't just about prayer. This is about things that we are passionate about. Peace. Ending modern slavery. Anything that one or more of us are passionate about and get together in God's name for is where God is. This was an astonishing thought for me. I have heard sermon after sermon with verse 20 referenced, but always in association with prayer. Why do we just assume that God is only going to be with us when we pray? He is passionate about what we are passionate about and is there whenever you are brought together to follow our passions. 

Puddle Time!!

Tonight I ran around in the rain with one of my greatest friends Taylor. We splashed in puddles, laughed and jumped in the rain and just had a blast. I love the rain but sadly, most of the time I don't take the time to go out and enjoy it. I have taken to stopping and enjoying the little moments recently. I don't know when it started, but I quite like it. It's nice to enjoy the quiet and beauty that God has given us. I hope and pray that I don't stop doing this as the years go by. I want to be able to enjoy that little things every day of my life. I hope that I can be inspired by the little things and that I can inspire others with the little things in my life. 

Oh and I get to wake up early to call my dad in the morning... it's his birthday!!! 

This speaks to me...

"But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering." Hebrews 2: 9-10

Beautiful Path

I see her dancing
but not in the graceful
beautiful way of a ballerina

she is dancing on wobbly
diseased legs that barely hold her
the crutches that she clasps
are her one support in this beautiful struggle

she was born with this disease
she did not ask for it
is was written into her genes from the beginning
passed along her blood line

this disease has crippled her body
but her spirit is not touched

her graceful beauty shines
from deep inside this beautiful girl
and makes you forget
the marred beauty of her outer shell

watch her dance her way
along the beautiful path her life is taking
and see the beauty she sows...

Death That Leads to Life

A great poet once said
"You have never lived because you have never died"
It got me thinking about how
Dying is sometimes more than closing your eyes for the last time

You can die simple sitting
Letting your life pass by
Letting the life you could have
Take its bow and walk out your front door

You could die
Along with your loved one
Lying on their death bed
Little pieces of you dying slowly beside them

You could die
Wasting your time on
That person who doesn't value you
That only uses you for their pleasure

You could die
From a disease
Passed to you from that other
Who didn't have the courtesy to tell you

Death could meet you
Walking down the street
In the eyes of the vagrant
Begging for change in front of your favorite coffee shop

You might find death
In the eyes of a young girl
In a rundown brothel
Who's life has been stolen from her by money hungry owners

You might see
Death in the eyes of a woman
Who has been abused all her life
And can see no way to out and continues to take abuse she doesn't deserve

Or you can find a death that leads to life
In the arms of a God
So powerful and beautiful
That His presence in your life will help you, Truly. Live.