I envy great lyricists..

The words they write always leave me amazed, and slightly annoyed with myself that I didn't think of the words in that order. I try over and over to write the perfect poem the one that will fit every criteria in my book of "This is What Good Poetry Looks Like"... but I don't think that will ever happen because I am such a huge critic of myself and the words that I put out on paper.

Even the articles that are or are going to be published in magazines this year I am not positive about. Maybe its me looking for people to feed my ego. Maybe in all honesty its me thinking I am not good enough nor will I ever be. Even though I know in my heart that that is a lie that Satan keeps whispering in my ear, keeps insisting that I am not worth anything that I have received. But it seems no matter what happens, no matter what good things happen to me I keep putting myself back into that hole, that place where I feel sorry for myself and second guess the gifts that God has given me and that way that I can't seem so use them correctly. Then God steps up and quietly speaks to my heart reminding me that anything I do with the talents he has given me are beautiful masterpieces to him. But he has to keep reminding me like a disobedient child who keeps making the same bad choices. I am so thankful that God has the patience to deal with his sons and daughters.

Another day...

Its Monday. I don't like Mondays. They ruin my weekend and make me face the reality of this thing called life. Monday also makes me think of all the things that I needed to get done on Sunday but didn't... and it stresses me out. Maybe one day I will appreciate Monday's but at this point in my life it just reminds me that I have to go back to classes and that I have things that I actually have to do.

I am having a hard time lately with feeling like I am unneeded. I feel as if I am just drifting away from those that I have known for so long and that I am becoming a different person. I know that this happens and is probably happening for me betterment. But it hurts too, knowing that the people that I had so much in common with in the past are becoming people who I can't really relate to anymore, but life goes on and God is making me a better person, getting me ready to go Home, ready to go to heaven with Him.

I thank him daily (and pray) for all that he has done in me and that he will continue to do in me. Let this be our prayer, that we will become the person that He knows we can be, the person that he already sees us as.

Looking Beyond

I've been sitting in my room all day attempting to tackle this massive amount of homework that has accumulated over the last week. I don't even know where to begin. I have to write two papers one on sociology, which if I am honest I am only taking the class to get credit, and the other for my PR Campaigns class. I have to write about a "cool campaign" that impressed me... I don't know what to do. I feel like a loser when I go to Google and type in "ad campaigns 2009". I mean what self respecting student would do that... well that would be me!! :D

Recently I have had a hard time focusing on things like school when there are people, children, families that can't afford to eat more than one meal a day and I am paying for my college education (mind you, it is with hard work, loans, grants, and a some money from the parents). I see so much struggle out there and I just want to go help and not worry about finishing school. But I know that I can help more people if I finish what I am doing. I can have a backup plan for when God leads me back from the "mission field" (wherever that may be). I have to keep remebering that God has me here at this school for a reason and that I should do my best to keep up my grades so I can graduate and help the people that I see hurting (and maybe in return they can help me...).

My continuous prayer is that God will use me wherever I go. And that his love and light will shine through my life onto those whom I meet. I also pray that I will see him in the faces of those that I meet and that I will be able to love them as he loves them and that I will not shy away from living the way Jesus did while he was on earth (that is another topic for another time). I think that best that I can do is pray that he will continue to work in me, and help me see myself the way he sees me. Perfect and Holy...

First Post

Well, here is to the start of a new blog. I hope that I remember to get on regularly and that whatever I post on here may touch someones life. I don't even know if anyone will ever read this, but who knows. So here goes nothing...

I recently had a prayer answered in the form of a computer. I have been needing a computer for over a year. God provided the money and I am so thankful for that. I have been struggling with being patient and waiting for Him to answer my prayers when He sees fit. I know that he provides for all the things we need, not always what we think we need, but what we really need.

I am thankful for all that he has provided for me and my family. I would not be in my junior year of college if he hadn't provided the money to get here.

So to sum it up. God does answer prayers, not always in the way or the time frame that we expect it, and answers them in ways that we don't expect.