I envy great lyricists..

The words they write always leave me amazed, and slightly annoyed with myself that I didn't think of the words in that order. I try over and over to write the perfect poem the one that will fit every criteria in my book of "This is What Good Poetry Looks Like"... but I don't think that will ever happen because I am such a huge critic of myself and the words that I put out on paper.

Even the articles that are or are going to be published in magazines this year I am not positive about. Maybe its me looking for people to feed my ego. Maybe in all honesty its me thinking I am not good enough nor will I ever be. Even though I know in my heart that that is a lie that Satan keeps whispering in my ear, keeps insisting that I am not worth anything that I have received. But it seems no matter what happens, no matter what good things happen to me I keep putting myself back into that hole, that place where I feel sorry for myself and second guess the gifts that God has given me and that way that I can't seem so use them correctly. Then God steps up and quietly speaks to my heart reminding me that anything I do with the talents he has given me are beautiful masterpieces to him. But he has to keep reminding me like a disobedient child who keeps making the same bad choices. I am so thankful that God has the patience to deal with his sons and daughters.