Sometimes I simply cry for the world around me
I cry happy tears and sad tears alike
My heart longs for the world to see its potential
And to believe that it can be better
I see the strides that some in the world are taking
To make things just a little better
And I begin to wonder
What if we all started to do the same?
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Who knows.
The last first semester of my college career at my current school is almost over. I have 3 finals to complete before I start my break. I keep imagining and dreaming about what I am going to be doing this time next year. I hope that I have a job. I hope that I will be working in non-profit where my heart is. But the thing is, no matter what I hope, imagine, or dream I don't know what I am going to be doing. And that scares me. I like to know what is happening at least 3 months before hand, especially when it is something like a full time job, the beginnings of a career. I pray that no matter what I am doing by this time next year, that I am doing what God wants me to do. That is all I can hope for and all I can plan for, because I don't know where my life will take me in the next year let alone the next month. Maybe I will write a post around this time next year from somewhere new, with the beginnings of my career stretching out before. Until then I will pray for God's leading.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Beyond Redemption?
One of my favorite quotes is, "No one is beyond the reach of God's grace." God's grace reaches beyond borders, races, prison walls and across streets. There is nowhere that His grace cannot reach. When we assume that we can decide the fate of another's life or we assume they are beyond redemption we are denying that His grace and love exist.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Pew Faith or Street Faith?
Someone that I am friends with, Brandt Russo, on Facebook posted this today: "I had a guy at the sports bar this morning ask me a very interesting, honest question. "If Jesus is love and went out of His way to love others, why aren't more of you here instead of expecting for us to go to you." I just smiled and patted his shoulder. Thoughts?"
I wonder how have we arrived at this point? Where we won't step foot into places that we have deemed sinful. The places where the people who are in need of the love that God has are. Honestly, I think it is because most Christians are more comfortable staying in the church building than going out and embodying the Church, showing the world what Christ is truly like. This is so far from the way that Christ lived his life when He walked the earth.
I fear what many forget is that Jesus did not live a comfortable life. He lived and walked among the people that society deemed worthless and impure. He broke the rules that the preachers/teachers of the day had set in place. He taught a new way of life, a way that leads us to eternity. How can we not want to go out and share that with others? I am not saying that we should just go out and talk at people, we need to listen. Jesus talked with people and he listened. He healed by doing these things.
Many Christians seem to have the teach them in the pew evangelism thing going on believing that people will feel the need to come to church and find God. But what Christ calls us to do is go into the world and make disciples of all nations. He never said to stay indoors and let them come to you, He said go into the world.
Any thoughts?
I wonder how have we arrived at this point? Where we won't step foot into places that we have deemed sinful. The places where the people who are in need of the love that God has are. Honestly, I think it is because most Christians are more comfortable staying in the church building than going out and embodying the Church, showing the world what Christ is truly like. This is so far from the way that Christ lived his life when He walked the earth.
I fear what many forget is that Jesus did not live a comfortable life. He lived and walked among the people that society deemed worthless and impure. He broke the rules that the preachers/teachers of the day had set in place. He taught a new way of life, a way that leads us to eternity. How can we not want to go out and share that with others? I am not saying that we should just go out and talk at people, we need to listen. Jesus talked with people and he listened. He healed by doing these things.
Many Christians seem to have the teach them in the pew evangelism thing going on believing that people will feel the need to come to church and find God. But what Christ calls us to do is go into the world and make disciples of all nations. He never said to stay indoors and let them come to you, He said go into the world.
Any thoughts?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Moon, Stars, Flowers...
I wish I could hold the moon like a balloon
Carry the man in the moon with me
I wish I could take in the stars like a cup of tea
I wish I could take in the stars like a cup of tea
So their brilliance would warm my insides
I wish I could paint my fingernails with flowers
so I could always have nature at my fingertips
I wish...
I wish I could paint my fingernails with flowers
so I could always have nature at my fingertips
I wish...
Inside Out by Mars Ill
This is a wonderful song by one of my favorite rap groups Mars Ill. I love songs/poems that tell stories, especially stories that show redemption. I hope you find something in these lyrics that speak to your soul.
Inside Out
Mars Ill
[Verse 1]
Building in a cell block, shocked at the mystery
Unlocked the misery kept inside his body's chemistry
And when he's by himself, he has to cry to keep on living
Reads letters from his children from far outside the prison
And it isn't enough that he didn't pull that trigger
Just a neighborhood fixture on the corner drinking liquor
A two-time offender who got caught up in the moment
Was close by when a robbery was operated sloppily
And somebody got shot and son was fingered in the line-up
Tossed into a 6x9, stuck because his time's up
Fine luck, had to beat a brother on his first day
To protect his own best interest in like the worst way
Blames the system that built jails instead of schools
Blames religion as a set of useless rules
Blames his father that he never even knew
Looks in the mirror. Yeah, he blames him too...
[Verse 2]
He starts to read books, an empowered resolution
Malcolm, Dr. King, Mumia and Huey Newton
Learns that nothing worth having is ever gon' be easy
He studies philosophy while everyone's watching TV
And after 33 weeks, he starts to do the science
Sees God's handwriting there underneath the fine print
It had been there all along just waiting for him to find it
But he'd been blinded by his time spent trying to fight it
But the spark ignited the fuel inside him
And now he holds the flame that burns the brightest
Because the slightest touch from the heavens can heavily change the tides
Or tip the scales to either side of the problems in our lives
He found faith in a cage and his mind's already free
And he can float through these walls far beyond what he can see
He sees his cell as a cross that he'll carry if need be
But of course his body wants to join his soul and be free...
[Verse 3]
So he's a new man, motivated to slice through the hatred
And radiate to those that play with death and want to take his breath
He'll make each step count for something greater
Understands that he can hate the game and still love the players
He shares his cell with another one-strike-too-many-type of Jon Doe
Who wants his rights back though
The conversation words flow and get kind of thorough
And it just so happens that they're from the same borough
From the same neighborhood, from off the same freeway
From the same ghetto and from the same PJ's
And Jon Doe knows how his situation started
How kids were busting shots at their local supermarket
On that one fateful night that changed our hero's life
And how he got knocked wrongfully and how it isn't right
But strangely, our man is calm and doesn't lose sight
He knows that he was broken so that he could find Christ
And for that he's thankful, no shank pulled got him
He's never felt so high while he was standing at the bottom
And after six months, a judge heard his appeal
Released into a city that becomes his mission field
He pulls a free breath that feels fresh despite all the smog
He used to hit the bottle but now he fights for God
And since he's seen it all, he can say what it's about
And to think this all started from the inside out...
[Verse 1]
Building in a cell block, shocked at the mystery
Unlocked the misery kept inside his body's chemistry
And when he's by himself, he has to cry to keep on living
Reads letters from his children from far outside the prison
And it isn't enough that he didn't pull that trigger
Just a neighborhood fixture on the corner drinking liquor
A two-time offender who got caught up in the moment
Was close by when a robbery was operated sloppily
And somebody got shot and son was fingered in the line-up
Tossed into a 6x9, stuck because his time's up
Fine luck, had to beat a brother on his first day
To protect his own best interest in like the worst way
Blames the system that built jails instead of schools
Blames religion as a set of useless rules
Blames his father that he never even knew
Looks in the mirror. Yeah, he blames him too...
[Verse 2]
He starts to read books, an empowered resolution
Malcolm, Dr. King, Mumia and Huey Newton
Learns that nothing worth having is ever gon' be easy
He studies philosophy while everyone's watching TV
And after 33 weeks, he starts to do the science
Sees God's handwriting there underneath the fine print
It had been there all along just waiting for him to find it
But he'd been blinded by his time spent trying to fight it
But the spark ignited the fuel inside him
And now he holds the flame that burns the brightest
Because the slightest touch from the heavens can heavily change the tides
Or tip the scales to either side of the problems in our lives
He found faith in a cage and his mind's already free
And he can float through these walls far beyond what he can see
He sees his cell as a cross that he'll carry if need be
But of course his body wants to join his soul and be free...
[Verse 3]
So he's a new man, motivated to slice through the hatred
And radiate to those that play with death and want to take his breath
He'll make each step count for something greater
Understands that he can hate the game and still love the players
He shares his cell with another one-strike-too-many-type of Jon Doe
Who wants his rights back though
The conversation words flow and get kind of thorough
And it just so happens that they're from the same borough
From the same neighborhood, from off the same freeway
From the same ghetto and from the same PJ's
And Jon Doe knows how his situation started
How kids were busting shots at their local supermarket
On that one fateful night that changed our hero's life
And how he got knocked wrongfully and how it isn't right
But strangely, our man is calm and doesn't lose sight
He knows that he was broken so that he could find Christ
And for that he's thankful, no shank pulled got him
He's never felt so high while he was standing at the bottom
And after six months, a judge heard his appeal
Released into a city that becomes his mission field
He pulls a free breath that feels fresh despite all the smog
He used to hit the bottle but now he fights for God
And since he's seen it all, he can say what it's about
And to think this all started from the inside out...
Monday, October 4, 2010
Entering through walls
I give up
I have had it
I keep telling myself that
when the time is right
he will enter
the man of my dreams
but then I try to make
something out of nothing
make him enter through the wall
someone can't enter where
there is no entrance
I can't force a door to form in my life
I can't make love happen
I have to simply enjoy the ride
until it finds me
I have had it
I keep telling myself that
when the time is right
he will enter
the man of my dreams
but then I try to make
something out of nothing
make him enter through the wall
someone can't enter where
there is no entrance
I can't force a door to form in my life
I can't make love happen
I have to simply enjoy the ride
until it finds me
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Below is the link for the article "The F Word" by Daphne Merkin. The article is about America's (and the worlds) fear of flesh. Interesting read.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/t-magazine/22face-merkin-t.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/t-magazine/22face-merkin-t.html
Saturday, July 3, 2010
A Poem of Someday...
There is a gaping hole
in the middle of my life
you would fit there perfectly
Our hands they would fit
like pieces of a puzzle
of the thousand piece variety
Parts of me would
compliment parts of you
we would work like a chemical reaction
Each piece of ourselves
would fit like bricks
building loves foundation
Our souls would latch and connect
turning to each other
entering a room causing the world to shift
You would love my quirks
I would thrive in your differences
finding the perfect balance in each other
When we slept
out bodies would fit together
like gloves; cozy and warm
And when we grew old
the wrinkles wouldn't make a difference
your face would still make my heart beat faster
When death finally took one
the other would surely follow suit
soon after
in the middle of my life
you would fit there perfectly
Our hands they would fit
like pieces of a puzzle
of the thousand piece variety
Parts of me would
compliment parts of you
we would work like a chemical reaction
Each piece of ourselves
would fit like bricks
building loves foundation
Our souls would latch and connect
turning to each other
entering a room causing the world to shift
You would love my quirks
I would thrive in your differences
finding the perfect balance in each other
When we slept
out bodies would fit together
like gloves; cozy and warm
And when we grew old
the wrinkles wouldn't make a difference
your face would still make my heart beat faster
When death finally took one
the other would surely follow suit
soon after
Aggravated and Waiting
This is a note for those who might read this post: This is me venting, getting stuff off my chest. So if you want to read it that is okay. If you want to skip out on my pity party that's okay too.
I have been looking for a car for over a year and with little luck. My major problem is I don't have that much money and I'm not very comfortable getting a loan. I thought I had found the perfect car. It was the size that I wanted, around a price I could afford, and it didn't hurt that it was a Subaru. Then I had my uncle do a pre-purchase inspection. There went that option. It was going to cost more to fix the car than it was going to cost to buy it. This is when I started having daily ranting sessions with God. My one question is why?
I have also been looking for someway to make money for the summer. Seeing as there are a lot of things I need for my apartment this next school year it would be great if I could find one. Besides, my family can't help me buy everything that I need. Thankfully I have found quite a bit of free stuff for my kitchen. I have been scouring the local papers for job listings and have found nothing. Most of the jobs advertised require more than a years experience or a degree in that field. I stopped my internship search at the beginning of the summer because there aren't many options in this corner of Colorado, and people never called me back, no matter how often I called them.
To say the least I have been discouraged and aggravated for most of the summer. My family has always had a hard time. Money isn't something we have lying around to spend on anything we please. And I already have more than a few thousand dollars worth of school loans to worry about. So I just keep praying that something will show up. If someone would give me their car that would be great. If I could find someway to make money that would be even better.
I also miss my friends dearly. I will see some of them this summer for a day or two and some of them I will see in the fall. But I miss them all nonetheless.
I have to keep reminding myself that God knows what my future holds and no matter how impatient I get or no matter how aggravated I feel it will all work out for the best.
Lord, help me to trust you and believe you will provide my needs. I love you Jesus.
I have been looking for a car for over a year and with little luck. My major problem is I don't have that much money and I'm not very comfortable getting a loan. I thought I had found the perfect car. It was the size that I wanted, around a price I could afford, and it didn't hurt that it was a Subaru. Then I had my uncle do a pre-purchase inspection. There went that option. It was going to cost more to fix the car than it was going to cost to buy it. This is when I started having daily ranting sessions with God. My one question is why?
I have also been looking for someway to make money for the summer. Seeing as there are a lot of things I need for my apartment this next school year it would be great if I could find one. Besides, my family can't help me buy everything that I need. Thankfully I have found quite a bit of free stuff for my kitchen. I have been scouring the local papers for job listings and have found nothing. Most of the jobs advertised require more than a years experience or a degree in that field. I stopped my internship search at the beginning of the summer because there aren't many options in this corner of Colorado, and people never called me back, no matter how often I called them.
To say the least I have been discouraged and aggravated for most of the summer. My family has always had a hard time. Money isn't something we have lying around to spend on anything we please. And I already have more than a few thousand dollars worth of school loans to worry about. So I just keep praying that something will show up. If someone would give me their car that would be great. If I could find someway to make money that would be even better.
I also miss my friends dearly. I will see some of them this summer for a day or two and some of them I will see in the fall. But I miss them all nonetheless.
I have to keep reminding myself that God knows what my future holds and no matter how impatient I get or no matter how aggravated I feel it will all work out for the best.
Lord, help me to trust you and believe you will provide my needs. I love you Jesus.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Michael Grimm, 30 - America's Got Talent 2010, Auditions LA
Every time I watch this I get goosebumps! Love it! Enjoy!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Two or three
During Peace Week at Union College this last semester we had a discussion time. There was a bible verse shared that I am pretty sure most Christians know by heart. Matthew 18:20. But I think the crucial verse that should be read along with verse 20 is verse 19: "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
When the verses were being read, a thought popped into my mind, This isn't just about prayer. This is about things that we are passionate about. Peace. Ending modern slavery. Anything that one or more of us are passionate about and get together in God's name for is where God is. This was an astonishing thought for me. I have heard sermon after sermon with verse 20 referenced, but always in association with prayer. Why do we just assume that God is only going to be with us when we pray? He is passionate about what we are passionate about and is there whenever you are brought together to follow our passions.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
(Untitled)
ten owls at the crack of noon
swiveling their heads trying to find a clearer view
but the sun is blinding
and the skyline is blocking the view
their shuttered eyes are unfocused but clear
the ocean reflects the sorrow of the city dwellers
waves rolling as if in anguish
crashing on the shore to show their angst
leaving its inhabitants on the shore
scattered like the toys of a small child
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Note to... whomever...
To whom this may concern (or not),
I am in need (more in want) of a Savannah cat so I can make my neighbors jealous when I walk my new cat on a leash down the street. If you are interested in buying me one, I might love you forever (however this is not a guarantee).
Thank you.
Love, Brigitta
*P.S. I want to name my cat after an inanimate object, let me know what you think would work best. ♥
I am in need (more in want) of a Savannah cat so I can make my neighbors jealous when I walk my new cat on a leash down the street. If you are interested in buying me one, I might love you forever (however this is not a guarantee).
Thank you.
Love, Brigitta
*P.S. I want to name my cat after an inanimate object, let me know what you think would work best. ♥
(Photo: Jason Douglas / Wiki Commons / public domain)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Puddle Time!!
Tonight I ran around in the rain with one of my greatest friends Taylor. We splashed in puddles, laughed and jumped in the rain and just had a blast. I love the rain but sadly, most of the time I don't take the time to go out and enjoy it. I have taken to stopping and enjoying the little moments recently. I don't know when it started, but I quite like it. It's nice to enjoy the quiet and beauty that God has given us. I hope and pray that I don't stop doing this as the years go by. I want to be able to enjoy that little things every day of my life. I hope that I can be inspired by the little things and that I can inspire others with the little things in my life.
Oh and I get to wake up early to call my dad in the morning... it's his birthday!!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Anis Mojgani performs Shake the Dust at HEAVY AND LIGHT.
What more can I say other than, this is beautiful. Listen. And be blessed.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
This speaks to me...
"But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering." Hebrews 2: 9-10
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Prairie Dreams
A wide expanse of sky
Before me, behind me, beside me
Alone on this ridge
Alone in this vast space
Alone, but not lonely
I feel the breeze caress my face
The sun smiling its warmth on
My face, my arms, my body
The tall grass brushes against my jean clad legs
In a dance, a tango with the wind
Upon the wind is a faint scent of flowers
The flowers among the grass
Are being visited by buzzing bees and butterflies
A huge old oak down the hill
Spreads its gracious branches
The shade beckons, calling me to lie beneath
Its limbs to share the space with
The birds and squirrels enjoying its open arms
The clouds to my left are growing
Dark and heavy with wonderful rain
The smell of wet earth will soon be here
Comforting and beautiful
There is a distant ringing
Pulling me, leading me away from this prairie
It is time to wake up and go
Prairie dreams will stay here
In my dreams, in my memories
Time no longer standing still
But marching its continuous march
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Beautiful Path
I see her dancing
but not in the graceful
beautiful way of a ballerina
she is dancing on wobbly
diseased legs that barely hold her
the crutches that she clasps
are her one support in this beautiful struggle
she was born with this disease
she did not ask for it
is was written into her genes from the beginning
passed along her blood line
this disease has crippled her body
but her spirit is not touched
her graceful beauty shines
from deep inside this beautiful girl
and makes you forget
the marred beauty of her outer shell
watch her dance her way
along the beautiful path her life is taking
and see the beauty she sows...
but not in the graceful
beautiful way of a ballerina
she is dancing on wobbly
diseased legs that barely hold her
the crutches that she clasps
are her one support in this beautiful struggle
she was born with this disease
she did not ask for it
is was written into her genes from the beginning
passed along her blood line
this disease has crippled her body
but her spirit is not touched
her graceful beauty shines
from deep inside this beautiful girl
and makes you forget
the marred beauty of her outer shell
watch her dance her way
along the beautiful path her life is taking
and see the beauty she sows...
Friday, April 9, 2010
Death That Leads to Life
A great poet once said
"You have never lived because you have never died"
It got me thinking about how
Dying is sometimes more than closing your eyes for the last time
You can die simple sitting
Letting your life pass by
Letting the life you could have
Take its bow and walk out your front door
You could die
Along with your loved one
Lying on their death bed
Little pieces of you dying slowly beside them
You could die
Wasting your time on
That person who doesn't value you
That only uses you for their pleasure
You could die
From a disease
Passed to you from that other
Who didn't have the courtesy to tell you
Death could meet you
Walking down the street
In the eyes of the vagrant
Begging for change in front of your favorite coffee shop
You might find death
In the eyes of a young girl
In a rundown brothel
Who's life has been stolen from her by money hungry owners
You might see
Death in the eyes of a woman
Who has been abused all her life
And can see no way to out and continues to take abuse she doesn't deserve
Or you can find a death that leads to life
In the arms of a God
So powerful and beautiful
That His presence in your life will help you, Truly. Live.
"You have never lived because you have never died"
It got me thinking about how
Dying is sometimes more than closing your eyes for the last time
You can die simple sitting
Letting your life pass by
Letting the life you could have
Take its bow and walk out your front door
You could die
Along with your loved one
Lying on their death bed
Little pieces of you dying slowly beside them
You could die
Wasting your time on
That person who doesn't value you
That only uses you for their pleasure
You could die
From a disease
Passed to you from that other
Who didn't have the courtesy to tell you
Death could meet you
Walking down the street
In the eyes of the vagrant
Begging for change in front of your favorite coffee shop
You might find death
In the eyes of a young girl
In a rundown brothel
Who's life has been stolen from her by money hungry owners
You might see
Death in the eyes of a woman
Who has been abused all her life
And can see no way to out and continues to take abuse she doesn't deserve
Or you can find a death that leads to life
In the arms of a God
So powerful and beautiful
That His presence in your life will help you, Truly. Live.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Shattered
There is a tearing
Somewhere deep inside
Like an earthquake there is shaking
Breaking me in two
There is a leaking
A bleeding of the old me
Oozing out through the wounds
My pores
Is this simply change
Or some form of creation?
The shaking is giving way to breaking
Which is giving way to shattering
That gives way to complete and utter brokenness
The breaking must come before renewing
But the pain is something you have to live through
Somewhere deep inside
Like an earthquake there is shaking
Breaking me in two
There is a leaking
A bleeding of the old me
Oozing out through the wounds
My pores
Is this simply change
Or some form of creation?
The shaking is giving way to breaking
Which is giving way to shattering
That gives way to complete and utter brokenness
The breaking must come before renewing
But the pain is something you have to live through
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
the day that death died.
One of the people that I follow on twitter wrote today that Easter is "the day that death died. hallelujah!" I was reminded why Easter should be celebrated. Its not about the bunny or who will get more eggs at the easter egg hunt but it is about a revolutionary who came to the earth who was fully God and fully man. Its about that man who spoke for the outcast, took a stand against the "rules" of the era and showed that following God is all about love. Its about the Son of God who died for his creation to save them from eventual death, eternal death. And all this because He loves us. I feel so humbled when I think about this because many times I feel so unworthy of this love because it is so... well big. It is more than I can comprehend right now. I thank God for sending His Son to die for me and for you, because eternity will be the best days of my life! I also pray that I can walk in the footsteps of Jesus and love the downtrodden, that I will find the strength and courage to stand up for those who have no voice, and to help me love those who I can't seem to love on my own.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Legless Abandon
Legless Abandon by Brigitta Beam
Every time I look at this picture I want to know the story behind why the chair has no legs and was left at this abandoned house. Why did the people have to leave the house? Why has no one bought the house and repaired it to its former glory? I almost didn't get this shot. I thought I was finished shooting at this sight until I got in the car and looked out the window and saw the chair sitting alone without legs and I wanted to capture it. It's funny how sometimes the things we almost miss are the things that hold the most beauty. Take some time to slow down and look around and capture beauty.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Love?
I believe in a God that is love. A God that asks us to love others as we love ourselves. And still I see many who claim to follow this same God that express hatred for people who live lives that are not necessarily what you would see in the church daily. I don't understand how they can be professed Christians and still not love others as Christ loves. Maybe this is me being judgmental but I am just trying to call it as I see it. But I believe deep in my heart that God wants us to love others no matter what because when Jesus walked the earth the people that he hung out with were the people that society shunned. Just thoughts I wanted to get out there.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Flying By
Blur by Me
I have been feeling like this picture for the last year. I feel like everything is flying past me at a million miles an hour. I have one more year of college and then I have to enter the working world. I am so afraid that I won't find a job, that I will not be able to live on my own and pay for all the things that I need. I keep thinking of how I am going to help myself, but then I am reminded again and again that God knows the plans for my life and that all I need to do is trust him. I am such a self-reliant person that sometimes I forget that God is there for me to lean on when things seem like too much. I hope and pray that I will continue to learn from and lean on God in the good and bad times.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Jones Bunny?
Here is a collage that I made out of Jones soda labels. and the bunny ears that I bought with Courtney D., Michelle C., and Taylor O. and wore to Allyssa's 22nd Birthday party tonight!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I suppose shining could be good....
In a few days I head out for my spring break and I am so excited. I get to go home to Colorado and see my family and friends back there. I have the chance to get away from school and chill out near the mountains which Nebraska... well lacks. Tomorrow night I am going to a concert that I am super thrilled about. I get to see one of my favorite bands, Project 86. While some people I know wouldn't understand how their music inspires me it does. Andrew Schwab is the lead singer and lyricist of the band. The words he writes speak to me. I can only say that God has blessed him with the ability to create stories in a short song.
I only hope that someday someone will say the same about me. I hope that people see God in my life and not just the things I have accomplished. I don't want my history to be about what I have done for myself, I want it to be about what I have done for others. Or more along the lines of what God has done through me for others. I hope to make an impact on the world that lasts longer than the world. I pray everyday that the life I lead will lead others in the direction of the One that they need the most. The One that I have found comfort, peace, patience, and joy in. May God shine through me!
I only hope that someday someone will say the same about me. I hope that people see God in my life and not just the things I have accomplished. I don't want my history to be about what I have done for myself, I want it to be about what I have done for others. Or more along the lines of what God has done through me for others. I hope to make an impact on the world that lasts longer than the world. I pray everyday that the life I lead will lead others in the direction of the One that they need the most. The One that I have found comfort, peace, patience, and joy in. May God shine through me!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Too Much?
Is it too much to ask
That he tell me I'm beautiful
That they treat me like a human
That I know love... someday
That the world learns compassion
That the world looks past themselves
That God come soon
That I didn't feel unwanted
That I was a better friend
That things would be simpler
That the little things would feed my joy
That I could truly be comfortable in my own skin
That... well the list goes on
But stopping there will work for now...
That he tell me I'm beautiful
That they treat me like a human
That I know love... someday
That the world learns compassion
That the world looks past themselves
That God come soon
That I didn't feel unwanted
That I was a better friend
That things would be simpler
That the little things would feed my joy
That I could truly be comfortable in my own skin
That... well the list goes on
But stopping there will work for now...
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
A little something for all the English nerds!
Stick this in your ear - The listener
It is just not fair coma how you can apostrophe T
process this so dash called savuafair coma in the air exclamation
trying to be compatible so hyphen to dash speak semi colon
with my quotation quotables colon
you love who you are period I love who I am period
but when it comes to liking parentheses yourself
you have a question mark period new paragraph
I have a solution I have a fresh point dash of hyphen view period
I apostrophe M punctuating boundaries ampersand all caps
cannot speak to you quotations mentally underscore evidently
ellipses end line tab it is so hard to re dash invent myself
to a platform that you can italics understand period
that you can hold in your hand
coma why question mark am I the quote
infection that keeps your head dash aching period
parentheses if you would listen to the synergies of my thoughts
it would keep your quote foundation from shaking exclamation
so all caps bold this is for your ear coma for your head coma and for your thoughts
just cram it in far and you will see dot dot dot.
process this so dash called savuafair coma in the air exclamation
trying to be compatible so hyphen to dash speak semi colon
with my quotation quotables colon
you love who you are period I love who I am period
but when it comes to liking parentheses yourself
you have a question mark period new paragraph
I have a solution I have a fresh point dash of hyphen view period
I apostrophe M punctuating boundaries ampersand all caps
cannot speak to you quotations mentally underscore evidently
ellipses end line tab it is so hard to re dash invent myself
to a platform that you can italics understand period
that you can hold in your hand
coma why question mark am I the quote
infection that keeps your head dash aching period
parentheses if you would listen to the synergies of my thoughts
it would keep your quote foundation from shaking exclamation
so all caps bold this is for your ear coma for your head coma and for your thoughts
just cram it in far and you will see dot dot dot.
Check out more here: http://listener.bandcamp.com/album/not-waving-drowning
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
I keep hoping that motivation will sneak up behind me and somehow sneak into my brain or simply make itself known. Never before have a felt this unmotivated. It seems like I want to do nothing but read anything unrelated to school. I even prefer to organize my music above doing homework. I am kind of an organization freak, but that is still a bit far for me. I would rather watch Def Poetry Jams on youtube.com than even think about what I have to do for classes tomorrow and the next day.
So, if anyone finds my motivation walking around, sneaking around, can you send it my way so that I can finally get something done? Thanks a bunch! Much love!
So, if anyone finds my motivation walking around, sneaking around, can you send it my way so that I can finally get something done? Thanks a bunch! Much love!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Will it be...
will it be
in your arms
my head pressed to your chest
where I can hear your heartbeat
will it be
walking that path in the woods
our fingers laced together so tight
in a perfect way
will it be
when I know what you
are thinking by one look
one short simple look
will it be
in the middle of an argument
about something
I won't remember in an hour
will it be
when we're riding in the car
singing along
with that song we both love
will it be
when my tears get the best of me
and you hold me close
until my tears are spent
will it be
when I know you are near
without looking up
without seeing you
or will it be
the day I look at you
and know in my heart
that I love you
(will I ever know you?
will I ever know these moments?)
in your arms
my head pressed to your chest
where I can hear your heartbeat
will it be
walking that path in the woods
our fingers laced together so tight
in a perfect way
will it be
when I know what you
are thinking by one look
one short simple look
will it be
in the middle of an argument
about something
I won't remember in an hour
will it be
when we're riding in the car
singing along
with that song we both love
will it be
when my tears get the best of me
and you hold me close
until my tears are spent
will it be
when I know you are near
without looking up
without seeing you
or will it be
the day I look at you
and know in my heart
that I love you
(will I ever know you?
will I ever know these moments?)
Fashion Forward Motion
I am not someone who looks like they would enjoy fashion, I mean I don't even dress up most days, just throw on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans with some skate shoes or converse or my slip on shoes. But I love fashion, the art pieces, masterpieces really that are created by designers amazes and inspire me. To be able to glimpse the mind of the designer in the pieces that flow from their mind is a magical thing to experience. And to see how they present their art on the runway and in the magazines. While some pieces and pictures may be provocative for anyone, there is beauty in clothing. I recently heard fashion described as an expression of how beautiful the human body is. The stories that create a line, that help the designer build from the fabric the final pieces, are as different as the designers. It is sometimes a challenge to see what the designer is trying to tell you with their clothing.
Sometimes I have a hard time seeing what God is trying to tell me. I can't see what he wants me to do, where he wants me to go. But in the little details, in the little blessings that God gives me everyday I see the a glimpse of who God is. I love those little glimpses, the beauty that each one holds is incomparable to anything... ever. The things, the stories, that make up my life are unique to me. The things I go through and have gone through and will go through shape me, make me into the person I am and will be. I hope that in the end the story that my life tells is filled with beauty. That the only thing that remains are those beautiful masterpieces, those pieces that God has made in me. And that people can find something in my life that speaks to them.
Sometimes I have a hard time seeing what God is trying to tell me. I can't see what he wants me to do, where he wants me to go. But in the little details, in the little blessings that God gives me everyday I see the a glimpse of who God is. I love those little glimpses, the beauty that each one holds is incomparable to anything... ever. The things, the stories, that make up my life are unique to me. The things I go through and have gone through and will go through shape me, make me into the person I am and will be. I hope that in the end the story that my life tells is filled with beauty. That the only thing that remains are those beautiful masterpieces, those pieces that God has made in me. And that people can find something in my life that speaks to them.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Valuable?
I
glance to my right
and
look to my left
suspicious
curious
and
content
mixed emotions
flowing through my
nervous system
those surrounding me
seem to not see
that I am here
that I am valuable
just as they are
I feel ignored and
left out in the cold
hugging myself for warmth
and dreaming of a day
when I feel valued by
my peers
friends
and
strangers
while others seems to see
the value in each other
I feel like I am just
someone there when time allows
I would call out
holler
or yell
to get their attention
but I don't want to seem selfish
self-centered
egotistic
so I quietly stand
in the background
hugging myself
imagining a day
when I am noticed and
valued
and loved...
glance to my right
and
look to my left
suspicious
curious
and
content
mixed emotions
flowing through my
nervous system
those surrounding me
seem to not see
that I am here
that I am valuable
just as they are
I feel ignored and
left out in the cold
hugging myself for warmth
and dreaming of a day
when I feel valued by
my peers
friends
and
strangers
while others seems to see
the value in each other
I feel like I am just
someone there when time allows
I would call out
holler
or yell
to get their attention
but I don't want to seem selfish
self-centered
egotistic
so I quietly stand
in the background
hugging myself
imagining a day
when I am noticed and
valued
and loved...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Poems from an early morning awakening....
The Heart of Things
by Brigitta Beam
why is it a heart that represents love?
why not a gallbladder or a lung?
no, those would not do
no organs in this bloody intricate body
are good enough or
pretty enough to represent such a thing as love.
but why the heart
that speeds in beat upon the entrance of
that one person or
the one that slows in pace when
we mourn the loss of someone near and dear to us
why does the brain not represent love?
that is where love is based
where the reaction comes from
but the brain isn't pretty enough to do the job either
its just a wrinkled mass
inside your skull processing
thoughts
feelings
emotions
so why does the heart represent love?
is it because it seems to be
the one place we can physically feel a reaction
the one place where we feel
emotional sickness
joy
love
pain
but even so the heart
that represents love
looks nothing like the heart
that beats inside of you
because, well that one looks too much like an organ...
Dreams at My Fingertips
by Brigitta Beam
awoke with a poem on my lips
bursting at the seams
thoughts of love never far from my mind
and words bouncing about in my skull
keeping the dreams at bay
but creating a dream world in my fingertips
these spastic moments come once in a while
some at inopportune times
like when I am trying to sleep
but the poet in me can't miss these moments
with the pen in my hand
because, well, I don't want the words
to make it to another poets head
jealous you say
no just trying to keep my creative oyster fresh
opening and closing it when the mood suits it
and leaving me sleepless and warm
but content
because I have formed thoughts into
words
sentences
paragraphs
only to run out again until the next go
so here is the dreamland of my fingertips
reminding you dreams aren't just for sleeping
dream often
return to your dreamland frequently just as I am going to mine now...
by Brigitta Beam
why is it a heart that represents love?
why not a gallbladder or a lung?
no, those would not do
no organs in this bloody intricate body
are good enough or
pretty enough to represent such a thing as love.
but why the heart
that speeds in beat upon the entrance of
that one person or
the one that slows in pace when
we mourn the loss of someone near and dear to us
why does the brain not represent love?
that is where love is based
where the reaction comes from
but the brain isn't pretty enough to do the job either
its just a wrinkled mass
inside your skull processing
thoughts
feelings
emotions
so why does the heart represent love?
is it because it seems to be
the one place we can physically feel a reaction
the one place where we feel
emotional sickness
joy
love
pain
but even so the heart
that represents love
looks nothing like the heart
that beats inside of you
because, well that one looks too much like an organ...
Dreams at My Fingertips
by Brigitta Beam
awoke with a poem on my lips
bursting at the seams
thoughts of love never far from my mind
and words bouncing about in my skull
keeping the dreams at bay
but creating a dream world in my fingertips
these spastic moments come once in a while
some at inopportune times
like when I am trying to sleep
but the poet in me can't miss these moments
with the pen in my hand
because, well, I don't want the words
to make it to another poets head
jealous you say
no just trying to keep my creative oyster fresh
opening and closing it when the mood suits it
and leaving me sleepless and warm
but content
because I have formed thoughts into
words
sentences
paragraphs
only to run out again until the next go
so here is the dreamland of my fingertips
reminding you dreams aren't just for sleeping
dream often
return to your dreamland frequently just as I am going to mine now...
Let it all go?
Two mornings ago I woke up two hours before my alarm was supposed to go off with a poem coursing through my brain. I couldn't let the words get away from me so I poured them out into the notebook I keep by my bed for such occasions. At first I didn't even turn a light on afraid that any action other than picking up the pen and notebook would brush the words from my mind. When the first bit of thought poured out onto the paper I felt that I could turn the lights on the get the rest of it out. I ended up writing 2 1/2 poems that morning before returning to my bed to catch a little bit more rest.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
I envy great lyricists..
The words they write always leave me amazed, and slightly annoyed with myself that I didn't think of the words in that order. I try over and over to write the perfect poem the one that will fit every criteria in my book of "This is What Good Poetry Looks Like"... but I don't think that will ever happen because I am such a huge critic of myself and the words that I put out on paper.
Even the articles that are or are going to be published in magazines this year I am not positive about. Maybe its me looking for people to feed my ego. Maybe in all honesty its me thinking I am not good enough nor will I ever be. Even though I know in my heart that that is a lie that Satan keeps whispering in my ear, keeps insisting that I am not worth anything that I have received. But it seems no matter what happens, no matter what good things happen to me I keep putting myself back into that hole, that place where I feel sorry for myself and second guess the gifts that God has given me and that way that I can't seem so use them correctly. Then God steps up and quietly speaks to my heart reminding me that anything I do with the talents he has given me are beautiful masterpieces to him. But he has to keep reminding me like a disobedient child who keeps making the same bad choices. I am so thankful that God has the patience to deal with his sons and daughters.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Another day...
Its Monday. I don't like Mondays. They ruin my weekend and make me face the reality of this thing called life. Monday also makes me think of all the things that I needed to get done on Sunday but didn't... and it stresses me out. Maybe one day I will appreciate Monday's but at this point in my life it just reminds me that I have to go back to classes and that I have things that I actually have to do.
I am having a hard time lately with feeling like I am unneeded. I feel as if I am just drifting away from those that I have known for so long and that I am becoming a different person. I know that this happens and is probably happening for me betterment. But it hurts too, knowing that the people that I had so much in common with in the past are becoming people who I can't really relate to anymore, but life goes on and God is making me a better person, getting me ready to go Home, ready to go to heaven with Him.
I thank him daily (and pray) for all that he has done in me and that he will continue to do in me. Let this be our prayer, that we will become the person that He knows we can be, the person that he already sees us as.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Looking Beyond
I've been sitting in my room all day attempting to tackle this massive amount of homework that has accumulated over the last week. I don't even know where to begin. I have to write two papers one on sociology, which if I am honest I am only taking the class to get credit, and the other for my PR Campaigns class. I have to write about a "cool campaign" that impressed me... I don't know what to do. I feel like a loser when I go to Google and type in "ad campaigns 2009". I mean what self respecting student would do that... well that would be me!! :D
Recently I have had a hard time focusing on things like school when there are people, children, families that can't afford to eat more than one meal a day and I am paying for my college education (mind you, it is with hard work, loans, grants, and a some money from the parents). I see so much struggle out there and I just want to go help and not worry about finishing school. But I know that I can help more people if I finish what I am doing. I can have a backup plan for when God leads me back from the "mission field" (wherever that may be). I have to keep remebering that God has me here at this school for a reason and that I should do my best to keep up my grades so I can graduate and help the people that I see hurting (and maybe in return they can help me...).
My continuous prayer is that God will use me wherever I go. And that his love and light will shine through my life onto those whom I meet. I also pray that I will see him in the faces of those that I meet and that I will be able to love them as he loves them and that I will not shy away from living the way Jesus did while he was on earth (that is another topic for another time). I think that best that I can do is pray that he will continue to work in me, and help me see myself the way he sees me. Perfect and Holy...
Recently I have had a hard time focusing on things like school when there are people, children, families that can't afford to eat more than one meal a day and I am paying for my college education (mind you, it is with hard work, loans, grants, and a some money from the parents). I see so much struggle out there and I just want to go help and not worry about finishing school. But I know that I can help more people if I finish what I am doing. I can have a backup plan for when God leads me back from the "mission field" (wherever that may be). I have to keep remebering that God has me here at this school for a reason and that I should do my best to keep up my grades so I can graduate and help the people that I see hurting (and maybe in return they can help me...).
My continuous prayer is that God will use me wherever I go. And that his love and light will shine through my life onto those whom I meet. I also pray that I will see him in the faces of those that I meet and that I will be able to love them as he loves them and that I will not shy away from living the way Jesus did while he was on earth (that is another topic for another time). I think that best that I can do is pray that he will continue to work in me, and help me see myself the way he sees me. Perfect and Holy...
Friday, January 22, 2010
First Post
Well, here is to the start of a new blog. I hope that I remember to get on regularly and that whatever I post on here may touch someones life. I don't even know if anyone will ever read this, but who knows. So here goes nothing...
I recently had a prayer answered in the form of a computer. I have been needing a computer for over a year. God provided the money and I am so thankful for that. I have been struggling with being patient and waiting for Him to answer my prayers when He sees fit. I know that he provides for all the things we need, not always what we think we need, but what we really need.
I am thankful for all that he has provided for me and my family. I would not be in my junior year of college if he hadn't provided the money to get here.
So to sum it up. God does answer prayers, not always in the way or the time frame that we expect it, and answers them in ways that we don't expect.
I recently had a prayer answered in the form of a computer. I have been needing a computer for over a year. God provided the money and I am so thankful for that. I have been struggling with being patient and waiting for Him to answer my prayers when He sees fit. I know that he provides for all the things we need, not always what we think we need, but what we really need.
I am thankful for all that he has provided for me and my family. I would not be in my junior year of college if he hadn't provided the money to get here.
So to sum it up. God does answer prayers, not always in the way or the time frame that we expect it, and answers them in ways that we don't expect.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)